Mmmh EMSC 5.0 has a cunning plan...a technique set!

Tuesday 7th January and one week into 2014 drive down to Gateshead to find Evil Mutant Swim Coach 5.0 was present and raring to go. He was much keener than me as I turned up about 20 minutes late and caught the very end of the warm up.

I was devastated by the kick set and was swearing and spitting at the coach under the water, when to my great surprise the next set was....a technique set.

Bloody hell I mean it's all getting just a bit proper! I really enjoyed it and managed to drop my stroke count over the set from a pretty lousy 22 to around 18.

The thing is though if you do technique properly it's just as painful as the eyeballs out stuff not to mention your muscles ache for longer.  Here's what I did.....

100 swim
200 IM
200 free
400 breast kick 75 steady 25 hard
4 x 25's fist swimming @ 60
4 x 25's claw swimming @ 60
4 x 25's DPS @ 60
4 x 25's sprint @ 60
6 x 150 @ 2:50
4 x 25 recovery @ 30s
4 x 150 @ 2:50
4 x 25 recovery @ 30s
2 x 150 @ 2:50
4 x 25 recovery @ 30s
100 swim down
3500 metres

It's Monday so it must be hundreds?

I predicted pain and humiliation along the road to the 2014 challenge and was rewarded with both, on Monday night when I made it to Consett Masters session and had to endure hoots of derision from the posse which included such original comments as “so you’re not dead?” “who are you?” “is it February?” and my personal favourite “are you lost?”

I obviously wasn’t the only swimmer determined to live up to my New Years Resolutions, as there were 18 of us crammed into 2 lanes and yet again I was straggling off the back as we ploughed our way through a typical Evil Mutant Swim Coach 1.0 session.

Now EMSC 1.0 lives by the mantra “it’s Sunday so it must be hundreds” he must’ve missed not having a Sunday session for the last three weeks so much that he decided to celebrate and welcome us all back with a new mantra “it’s Monday so it must be hundreds” It was suggested by one of my team mates that the choice of set was to welcome me back. I wasn’t convinced! 

I’ll keep you informed as to how long this particular bout of Binge Swimming lasts for “plus ca change, plus c’est  la meme chose”

Warm up
33 easy
66 33 easy 33 hard
100 33 easy 66 hard
66 33 easy 33 hard
33 easy
2 x 100 @ 2 mins
4 x 33 @ 40 secs
4 x 100 @ 2 mins
4 x 33 @ 40 secs
6 x 100 @ 2 mins
2 x 33 @ 40 secs
8 x 100 @ 2 mins
333 swim down
3000metres

Enter Evil Mutant Swim Coach five point zero

So on the opening Saturday of 2014, and full of resolve and good intentions I roll out of bed at 7:30 am and turn up at Dunston Pool for the first time since May last year. To be faced with of all things :-  a swimming coach!

Now we’ve muddled along at Gateshead with the swimmers just setting the sessions, for longer than I care to remember; but there he was larger than life and clearly eager to earn the distinguished title of Evil Mutant Swim Coach 5.0 (five point zero).

I think one of the pre requisites of being a swim coach is to possess a healthy  streak of sadism and a desire to inflict exquisite pain on your poor athletes flogging themselves up and down the lanes. Actually I understand that sadism is a mandatory module in a level 1 coaching course, and it soon became apparent, that EMSC 5.0 possessed this characteristic in spades. 

Not only that but he had obviously studied my team mates in previous sessions and had identified all of our weaknesses, you know butterfly, medleys, kick or whatever else we usually avoid like the plague because its too boring or too hard or too painful.

Well they were all there and incorporated in that first session much to my horror.  However having someone on the poolside makes a huge difference and although I had gone with the intention of getting out after an hour I survived the full 90 minutes, albeit only just; as the straggler off the back of Lane 2. I even found myself trying quite hard on a 100 IM timed swim towards the end of the session, (I was rewarded with a pants time for an obscene amount of effort.)

350 Free 50 kick, 100 drill, 200 swim
300 back 50 kick, 50 drill, 200 swim
300 brst 50 kick, 50 drill 200 swim
8 x 25's free @ 40 secs build 1-4 & 5-8
350 IM @ 7 min 50 fly,
8 x 50 IM order @ 70 secs
350 Free stroke  @ 70 secs
200 IM @ 4:20
4 x 50's IM  @ 70s
200 free stroke
4 x 50's free
1 x 100 IM timed 1:40
300 swim down
3650 swim down

2014 The return of Binge and another resolution to be broken.

Not sure whether it's registered in the consciousness of my readership yet (all 3 of you), but there has been a distinct lack of Bingeing in swimming pools and blogging as 2013 drew to a close.

But there's something about the human condition that when January rolls around we resolve to make a fresh start and to immediately break all of the bad habits which have been ingrained into our psyche for decades? 

You could call it a triumph of hope over experience but this year was no exception as I resolved (yet again) that I was going to take swimming seriously, get fit and for the third time of asking complete my mile a day challenge.  

My starting point for this year’s campaign was to download a copy of Trondi’s spreadsheet (which can be obtained from the swimclub.co.uk site) so that I can track my progress over the year. I enter 590,000 metres as my target distance and the programme starts to shake, convulse and snigger and then reports to me that this is not a sensible target. I realise I needed to rediscover the swimming habit and pretty quickly.

So returning to work after the holidays  and during my first lunch break I tear myself away from the post Christmas divorce rush, for my first swim of the year. I had anticipated that as it was still the school holidays the pool would be busy, but not in the least, clearly the kids were still wrapped up with their Christmas presents or put off by the weather. The pool was surprisingly tranquil with about 6 others most of whom were head up breaststrokers.

I chose the empty lap lane but was soon joined by a bloke who insisted in swimming next to me rather than in a chain. This guy had a good stroke, a fair turn of speed, tumbled and was easily out pacing me. I did try and hang on to his feet for a while, I just couldn’t help myself, particularly when he said in a rather patronising tone that he was “impressed” that I was tumble turning! but despite this additional motivation I was quickly left floundering and overwhelmed by the effort. 

As I was swimming along I tried to justify my poor performance by the fact that he was doing 2 length sprints and I was swimming an 800 warm up but I finally just resigned myself to the fact that any come back was going to be a long, painful and probably humiliating process.

800 warm up alternating 66 free swim, 66 catch up

8 x 100 pull @ 1:55

6 x 33's @ 50 secs

200 swim down

2000 metres

2013 Swim Sessions end here, and introducing the latest devotee to Binge Swimming

As I was flicking through the South China Morning Post (as you do) the publication revealed that the inmates of Hangzhou detention centre were placed on an enforced mini vegetarian binge for a week, a move which was deeply unpopular with the inmates. 

A little further digging revealed that this was because they had been joined by the double Olympic Champion Sun Yang who was sentenced to a weeks “administrative detention” for driving without a licence.

I loved the irony in the fact that Sun Yang was deeply suspicious about the quality of meat served to him in prison and fearing steroid contamination elected for a vegetarian diet during his incarceration. Such is this man’s celebrity status in China that the prison officials placed the whole of the establishment on a non meat regime.

Now this story chimed with me on a number of different levels, firstly from a professional point of view, the speed and severity of the punishment were breathtaking. Sun Yang was arrested on the 3 November after driving a Porche Cayenne into a bus, and released from prison on the 11^th November having served his sentence. Clearly the Chinese don’t mess around when it comes to criminal justice, nor do they encourage celebrity lawyers such as Mr Loophole

In this country it is inconceivable that a custodial sentence would be handed out under these circumstances, and even if a court were considering this, it would be a month or so before he was sentenced. Sun Yang’s treatment also compares unfavourably with say Michael Phelps’ drink driving episode.

As a defence solicitor and master of the excuse for not swimming I also loved his mitigation. “ I've been focusing on training and competition, I had only a hazy knowledge of laws, which led to my mistake," Did he really say he was unaware that he required a licence to drive? The Chinese really need more imaginative lawyers or PR consultants.

I was struck by the somewhat paternalistic and patronising comments of the Chinese swimming authorities and the reserved nature of the Chinese Press in relation to the story, I’m sure that an English press wouldn’t have been able to resist a headline on the 10^th November along the lines of “the Sun’ll come out tomorrow”. Further research in more left field publications did unearth some rather restrained attempts to dish the dirt particularly the devastating insult that Sun Yang was a “supercilious athlete” from a predictably anonymous member of the Chinese National Squid! (their typo)

And finally the news that Sun Yang has been suspended from swimming by the Chinese Swimming Authorities, smacks of double jeopardy and cruel and unusual punishment. “Henceforth you will not inflict terrible pain and suffering on yourself” but it did lead to my own bit of supersilly pondering, as to whether within this supremely talented being there was a Binge Swimmer yearning to escape and further could Sun Yang become the most famous proponent of Binge Swimming. Certainly his ability to produce such exquisitely crafted excuses  suggests that he possesses the fundamental characteristic to evolve into the consummate Binge Swimmer.

The similarities between me and Sun Yang of course don’t stop there as I have been known to be equally cavalier about my driving licence, having been forced to attend at Sunderland Magistrates last year to persuade them to allow me to retain my licence. I wonder if with a little training I could emulate at Masters level some of Sun Yang’s achievements in the pool? 

I know that I should be looking forward to next season as I age up into the 55 years age group, (good grief when did I get to be so old?)  but my current lack of fitness and motivation do not bode particularly well for the upcoming season; when having temporarily slipped out of Judy Hattle’s age group I’m now facing Amanda Heath, the phrase “out of the frying pan and into the fire “springs to mind.

With the Christmas season in full swing, I’ve rather characteristically thrown myself into the festivities and somewhat unsurprisingly swapped Binge Swimming for just simply Bingeing. So no time for training at the moment, but with next year in mind I dragged myself to the pool to take part in one of Bob's triathlon sessions on the penultimate evening of the year in preparation for my New Year's resolution. No doubt inspired by the thought that I need to live up to being a role model for Sun Yang. 

So stay tuned for next year's exploits in Binge Swimming.

400 warm up

4 x 50's back @ 70 s
4 x 50's breast working on underwater phase @ 70s
4 x 50's free one arm up pool breathing on passive side @ 75
4 x 25's fly kick @back
4 x 50's breast arms fly legs @ 90s
200 free
2 x 100 free
100 swim down

1800 session

yearly total 262650

Binge creeps over 260,000 metres for the year.

I set out this year to cover 590,000 metres in the pool and despite a promising start have failed quite spectacularly.

I was tempted not to bother swimming at all for the rest of the year as the Christmas festivities take hold, but the more I put it off the more I know the comeback has got to hurt.

Capitalising on yesterday's Tesco set I made 200 metres further before I completely lost interest. That brings my yearly total to a little over 260,000 metres pathetic. But if at first you don't succeed...

200 free @ 3.45

200 catch  up @ 4 mins

200 free, back, brst @ 4.15

200 catch up @ 4 mins

200 free 

4 x 100 pull @ 1:55

200 swim down
1600m

Binge Shopping (and a short December Dip)

There may not be much Binge swimming going on at the moment but give the season I can console myself with some Binge shopping; 

Which at this time of year (December) occasionally throws up the odd interesting challenge, like the email I received from the husband suggesting that I might like to buy him some cycling training DVD’s for Christmas. That seemed easy enough particularly as he’d helpfully provided me with a link to the site.

You can imagine the repercussions and alerts from my firm’s firewall when I clicked on the link to be taken to a site called “Sufferfest” and  I can tell you the situation didn’t improve when I selected the requested downloads with such thought provoking names as “Sufferama” “Hell hath no fury” and the particularly  evocative “Rubber Glove”. I just hope they arrive in plain brown wrappers.

Anyway lunchtime Tesco set (every little helps) ends the drought.

400 up free down alternating back & breast
400 up free down catch up
4 x 100 @ 2 mins pull
200 swim down
1400