2013 (The Return of Toosmartwatch or more accurately Son of Toosmartwatch!)

for those of you who are scratching your heads about toosmartwatch see glossary page

Last swim of 2012 (or rejected and unloved goggles finally croak)

Time line 3.30pm 31st December 2012.

Feeling horribly guilty about my slothfullness I decided to make an effort to see 2012 out with a Tesco session.

With an unusal display of forethought I checked the opening times of our local pool and reckoned the best chance of a relatively quiet session was in the hour before it closed.

As I pulled on my goggles the rubber strap completely disintegrated, obviously it had become completely dessicated by their none use. I was left in a bit of a dilemma here as the thought of swimming sans eyewear, was likely to be too painful and I didn't relish seeing in the new year with red streaming eyes.

The alternative was to retrace my steps through the changing rooms, get myself dressed and retrieve the spare pair in the glove box, concious that I had limited time before the pool shut up shop for the year I compromised on the getting dressed bit and donning my Uug boots and hoodie I legged it through the reception area and across the car park. A delightful sight as you can imagine hopefully no one I knew was passing.

There were only three others in the pool by the time I eventually started my swim and I plodded through a rather lethargic 1300 metres to bring my 2012 total to 258151 metres

3 x 2 x 100 @ 2mins + 30s RI
6 x 66 @ 90s
6 x 33
100 swim down
1300 metres

Catch Up on 2012

Big style fail on bingeing both on the swimming and blogging front. The Binge challenge for this year was to swim on average a mile a day, but in typical Binge style this aspiration crashed and burned and I’ve failed to maintain any semblance of consistency in my swimming. 

Despite a promising start (I was well on track until Riccione) having completed 244,000 metres by the middle of June but since then I’ve only added a further feeble 15,000 metres.

As if this failing challenge wasn’t sad enough, the year came to a close with one of my favourite swimming pools under a very serious threat of closure. The City Pool in Newcastle is a fabulous building, (although badly in need of some tender love and care.) Set in the heart of the city it provides a great facility for students, office workers, the occasional Binge session and of course it is the spiritual home of the City of Newcastle swimming club.  It’s an inspirational venue and I never tire of reading the names on the flags hanging in the spectator balcony showing how far a field club members have competed on the international swimming stage.

I paid what might be my last visit there in November when I received one of those dreaded telephone calls, begging me to come and officiate at the club’s annual Shrimp meet. Now some time in the dim and distant past; and for a reason that completely escapes me, I qualified as a swimming referee. I will confess now that I absolutely hate loath and despise officiating and I would rather stick pins in my eyes, but the caller sounded so desperate I felt I couldn’t turn them down.

The following Sunday I found myself patrolling the poolside watching some of the most elaborate variations of what might arguably be recognised as a swimming stroke being performed with the enthusiasm and confidence only 9 year olds can produce. The only thought which kept me going through an interminable session was that during the lunch break I might just sneak a swim with the Masters group.

Sadly, with impeccable timing the session ended 10 minutes after the Masters left the small pool, but catching a coach putting a session on the white board I discovered that the University swim club were due in at 1pm. I lurked around the pool and was rewarded at 1.05pm with my first sighting of a swimming student, (this was a Sunday after all). I approached him, explained my predicament and asked if I could join in.

I have to say there was a mix of confusion and incredulity on his face as he somewhat sceptically weighed up this ancient and rather large specimen requesting to join them. The clincher was my suggestion that it might warrant a mention in “Swimming Times”; Aahh the persuasive power of the press, as the promise of fame elicited a rather non committal “I suppose so”. 

Taking this as a green light, I changed and wandered down to the end of the pool. I was keen to try and slot in to the slowest lane and try and hang off the back. I politely stood at the end of the lane whilst the three swimmers in it chatted and discussed who was going where.

Realising there was a reluctance to actually start the session (with a 1000 yard warm up I wasn’t surprised) and also that the lane next to them was empty and concerned that I only had an hour before I needed to be back for the final round of tortuous officiating, I slipped into the empty lane and set off on my own. I had to work fairly hard; as not only was this the first session I’d swum for weeks but I felt I needed to demonstrate to the students that I was a swimmer (if only a lapsed one). 

After about 800 yards I had company; and displaying my slightly earnest and bossy characteristics I stopped him after he’d done 200 warm up and suggested we just get on with the main set. He readily agreed and I led off, with my companion (who I christened Mr Tumnus because of his wispy student beard and faun like frame) drafting off the back.

There was some judicious pruning of the repeat times to make the set manageable, and sensing  that Mr Tumnus was a much more accomplished medley swimmer than me I made him lead that section of the session. After about an hour I had to leave, and as I thanked Michael for his company, he commented that it had been a baptism of fire as he hadn’t swum since August!  

I left the pool enthused and encouraged by the camaraderie of shared endeavour but saddened that this might have been my very last swim in such an iconic venue. You can sign the Petition to keep the City Pool open on the “Save Newcastle City Pool” facebook page.  

Warm up 1000 yds

5 x 100  free @ 1.40

200 swim down

5 x 100 free @ 1.40 

200 swim down

5 x 100 free @ 1.40

200 swim down

4 x 100 IM @ 1.50

200 swim down

3700 yds

3400 metres

Advanced Racing Tactics (ASA Nationals day 3) (Oh and not for the squeamish)

Day 3 and my body is proving to me that I still have those basic survival instincts which kick in at swim meets, otherwise known as the "flight fight or sh*te" reflex.

This caused me a moment or two of anxiety this morning in the 100m IM; because an unfortunate upshot of my lack of conditioning is the fact that I've put on about 8lbs in weight since June.

I've already waxed lyrical about the spacial difficulties encountered in stuffing my ample frame into a racing suit see this.

Well the additional handfuls of flesh made donning this critical bit of kit extraordinarily tricky. Trying to roll the unyielding polyamide over the very flabby bits is really painful and difficult and you end up with friction burns on the inside of your thumbs as you try to work some space between flesh and fabric.

But having eventually succeeded I wandered onto the pool deck, now what is it about competitions that means no matter how short the period since you last visited the loo, the impending effort immediately means you want to go again? Figuring that I had time and that being lighter might improve my competitive edge (yes I was getting pretty desperate at this stage *); I slipped into the ladies room, big mistake, apart from the pain of removing the infernal suit, the temperature in the ladies was akin to a sauna and the sweaty struggle with the suit just contributed to the difficulty, talk about slick.

I escaped to marshalling with seconds to spare, and figured that I'd just endured a pretty tough warm up, but alas it didn't seem to help my IM as 4 lengths was about 77.5 metres too far... Oh Well there's always next year!

100 IM 1.25.28
100 swim down
100 breast 1.29.78
150 swim down (really went for it here!)

* (in more ways than one)

Oh and finally thanks to Nic Latty for immortalising my world masters 50 breast on  You Tube!

Advanced Racing Tactics (ASA Nationals Day 2)

Day 2 of the ASA Nationals and in the absence of any proper training I was reduced to experimenting with even more esoteric and obscure tactics.

Unfortunately I have to report that, go out for dinner on Friday night throw a couple of beers down your neck, along with half a bottle of wine and then spend a significant amount of time (and money at £7.90! for two drinks) in the hotel bar discussing Newcastle United till the wee small hours with Matt the Cash proved to be  not particularly great preparation for my swim.

The silver lining in this was I'd only entered the 50 free so at 33 seconds the pain was mercifully short, and if I'm being honest I think I probably already knew that a hangover doesn't quite cut it when you are trying to make the "zone"

Anyway I continued my policy  of eschewing a warm up whilst adhering to a strict 100 metres swim down! hardly worth blogging about but a swim is a swim.

50m free 33.24
100m swim down

Advanced racing tactics ( ASA Nationals day 1 )

So World Champs in June, National Champs in October and a soupcon of training in September (approximately 7,500 metres) this is not great preparation for a weekend of intense competition. 

I reckoned that to survive this weekend I needed to adopt some advanced racing tactics. My prime concern was leaving my sharpness in the warm up pool. 

I overcame this little hurdle by adopting a very strict "no warm up policy" and bl**dy hell it worked or at least in the 50 breast where I surprisingly went sub 40. 

I was to come a cropper though in the next session where a brain abberation had somehow entered me in the 100 m fly; went out in a controlled 40 seconds for the opening 50 but paid for this in the next 50 as I struggled to break a minute to bring the second 50 home. A fairly spectacular 1.39 ( a significant personal worst) 

As you can see I also didn't take the swim down very seriously either.

50 breast 39.48

100 swim down

100 fly  1.39.37

100 swim down

350 metres

The Sisterhood of the Travelling Speedo (or when the going gets tough the tough go shopping)

Yesterday I missed my afternoon stint with Consett Masters for the most pathetic of excuses: I couldn't find a training swimsuit! Honest, I spent a good 20 minutes turning the house and my car upside down but utterly failed to locate this essential piece of swim kit.

Now I could've worn a knee skin racing suit but that seemed to me to be a bit over the top and pretentious for a training session (particularly in my current physical state!), so I opted for an afternoon's retail therapy at the Metrocentre instead, where I made a futile and superficial attempt to buy a new one.

To continue the Speedo saga, Teenage Triathlete came in from training last night and pleaded with me to hang her kit up to dry. Now I know that as a fifteen year old she should be doing these little chores herself but the guilt of a working mum kicks in and I pick up her bag and remove the sodden mess from the bottom.

I was somewhat surprised when my missing Speedo suit fell out of the towel! Now I know she wouldn't be seen dead in a 7 year old baggy endurance suit and it somehow seemed to be cleaner and much fresher smelling then when I last saw it but life's too short to ponder on these little mysteries so I didn't give this occurrence a second thought until lunchtime today.

A window of opportunity had opened up and I escaped the office for a 25 minute swim. As I walked into the pool towel over my shoulder, and swinging my cossie and goggles Pauline the receptionist greeted me with "so you got your cossie then" I must've looked even more confused than normal as she put me out of my misery and explained that I'd left it behind last Sunday and she'd picked it up and undertook to return it to it's rightful owner via her own teenage triathlete Poppy.

Mystery solved and a short lunchtime Tesco set (you remember "every little helps")

warm up
400 up free down alternating back and breast
3 x 200 freestyle pull @ 3.45
6 x 33 @ 55 breast kick
200 swim down
1400m